Hello everyone I just turned 40 in April.
I decided I had to make some serious changes in my life. I started by going to the dentist, eye doctor , going to the doctor, etc.
I'm a vegetarian 100% of the time and vegan about 60% of the time. I do not consume any type of meat or seafood but what always gets me is ice cream, baked goodies, etc. but it's about progress not perfection. so I live another day and I learn another day and I make better choices.
All of that is all fine and good but it doesn't mean jack shizznit if I cannot stand what I am looking at in the mirror, if I hate my body, if I think I am gross and fat. That kind of self body hatred is not healthy.
I mean I don't have to look like a Victoria's Secret model walking down the beach, but I should not be hiding under 4X men's T-shirts and sweatpants either. I'm not a true 4x btw I just like to hide. It makes me comfortable to wear overly large and baggy clothing to cover my overly large and baggy body.
I realize losing weight alone will not get rid of this body image problem completely.
So I decided I need to crap or get off the pot.
I started out by buying one of those Fitbit Alta bands, got the fit bit scale, I set a goal of 3000 steps a day for myself – to start, I've been doing this since the beginning of June.
I was on Facebook and I saw a few things about people who were like me and have completed 5K and 10K races.
I went online and I discovered something called "the color run". Did some research & it looks pretty awesome. looks like something that I would really be into.
Plus it is not based on running the fastest time, you can run, walk, dance, etc. to the finish line. I thought for my first 5K this would be perfect. Plus it supports the YMCA here in my area and I am actually going this week to get a YMCA subscription so I can go to work out.
Before I could change my mind I joined "the color run" for this October here in Connecticut. I got my T-shirt and my number the other day in the mail!
My thyroid went to hell a few years ago and I rapidly gained about 100 pounds. I got so depressed that I started binge eating. So I'd say between the hypothyroidism and the binge eating I put on 100 pounds total.
I lost about 25 pounds of that weight but it's not enough.
I'm pretty shy. I feel that I would be the ugly fat person of any friendship group so why put myself through that embarrassment.
sure when you see me you know I'm overweight but people tell me that I have a twisted view of what I really look like – in the bad way.
I don't know why I am here rambling about all of my personal feelings. I'm sure nobody is even going to read this, or even care about all of this personal drama, but I wanted to get it out of me, and put it out into the universe to take away.
Maybe one of you out there can relate, and wants to be buddies. I know I will never get lucky enough to find somebody who lives near me in Connecticut, but Internet friends kick a55 too.
Basically I feel like I am relearning everything. I am relearning how to eat, how to prepare food because now everything is vegetarian/vegan, how to exercise, how to dress for my body type – wearing clothes that fit and flatter versus look like tents, walking straight with my head held high, versus hunched over in shame, basically just loving myself again and allowing myself to enjoy the next 40 years of my life – God willing.
I want to live, I have dreams , I have things I want to do, and I know that feeling as I do now I'm just going to remain this Agoraphobic shut in
Thank you for reading this if you have stuck around this long.