Hey Theresa! You are not alone! It's very cliche but the hardest part is getting started. Life is all about momentum, both positive and negative. It seems you've had a rough past couple of months/years and it's got you worn down. The only advice I can give you is to look past it so you can see your TRUE WORTH! You will need to fight like hell to keep those negative thoughts and expectations from creeping into your mind but you can do it! I am a former borderline alcoholic who smoked a pack a day from 22-27 and put on about 50lbs in the process. I was on blood pressure meds and was getting ekg'