2 years since car accident

[Sincitychick]

3 years ago I changed my life. I am 5' 5 1/2" and weighed 251...after kids, careers and a family, physically I was run down, overweight, and miserable. I decided to join my friends 'boot camp' she started. I ate better and started running (which I thought I could never enjoy). Over ONE summer I lost 70 pounds, could run 6 miles like it was nothing and was 20 pounds from a goal I seriously thought was unattainable (even after loosing 70lbs). I couldn't believe I WANTED to run for FUN... to clear my head, to have that 'adult-no-kids-no-anyone-or-anything-Quiet-time' it was amazing- I was amazing. I was proud. I was down 70 pounds, weighing in at 181. I was everything I wanted to be and going on to better things physically.

Then....

I was driving to work (after getting up early and running 3 miles) and another driver crossed the yellow line on a curved road and hit my car head on. I sustained 'minor' injuries, very bad whiplash, sore lower back, arm pain, and even ankle pain. But nothing as bad as broken bones or what some people go through. Needless to say after a month of 'rest' I slowly tried to start running again. It hurt to much, everything in my body felt out of place, and eventually I stopped trying. I was depressed...I stewed over it all the time, "I am this person who took control and actually CHANGED my physical self...WTF did someone have to take that away from me?" "Someone else set me back" "Because of someone else's carelessness (texting and driving), everything I had busted my ass for was gone". I couldn't get back to where I was and I was infuriated, depressed, and felt defeated by everything under the sun. I have been pretty miserable ever since.

I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to get back to where I was. I want to be 20 pounds from my goal again. I want to physically feel better, mentally feel better and be able to go the distance. I need to, otherwise I'll just keep sinking back into my fat self as my muscles waste away. Currently I am 219...I've gained 38 pounds sitting on my ass crying about a life I had but for a moment in time. Which looking at my goal of 161... put me 58 pounds away from my goal. I've been waiting for spring so I can start walking-to-run, but today January 17th its 47 degrees outside and I'm starting. Starting one step at a time, I don't know if I'll get to where I'm going- but standing still is getting me nowhere.